Melt Down

You know when I mentioned that a million people whine to me every day? Well, today it was almost yelling. And I broke. I'm so tired from such a hard opening . . . from running around trying to do too much . . . from explaining and explaining and explaining . . . and from every single person in the building stopping me with questions. And today, a friend of mine, a colleague I can trust and kid with, started yelling at me about something I really have no control over and I just broke.

I try really hard to do the best I can and now I feel deflated. I feel angry and tired and deflated. My feelings got hurt and now I'm so tired I can barely communicate. I'm trying to do laundry and I have to walk by the store and everyone is around and someone wants me to restock beer and I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm now regretting doing the laundry and wish I had just curled up with a book and gone to sleep.

One thing I can say about my unpleasant discussion with Terry . . . I went stone cold killer on his ass. No tears. No wobbly voice. No apologies. No wavering. I got really serious and lowered my voice and looked him straight in the eye and centered my body and I could feel all my strength waking up and flowing into my arms and settling in my core.

Strong. Wall. Of. Me.

I didn't used to be able to do that.