Too Long in the Light

I am afraid of the dark.

Yesterday, I was at the spa late in the day and I realized I was starting to panic. I was out . . . after dark. Ack! I'm supposed to be put away, safe in my house, by the time it gets dark. I started to freak. Sitting there in my robe, looking at the twilight, I started to panic. Ack.

I've been too long in places with no night -- Antarctica and northern summers. Too long away from winter here.

It's getting dark now. My friend is on her way to my house to start the evening and I'm starting to freak. It's dark outside. How will we get dinner? I should be in bed.

Ack!

I'm a freak.

Bending of Time

I have been spending my years in two chunks, the North America chuck and the Antarctica chunk. Back and forth for 10 years. And it is starting to make time bend in a really strange way.

This week I came off the ice and it was truly like I had been time traveling. I went down there, spent 5 months, and on the day I was leaving, the two ends of time came together, stitched themselves shut and disappeared. I sat in two tubes for many hours and the 5 months bend away. Presto chango, I'm back in the world, having never spent the time . . . having no recollection of anything that happened, just knowing I am somehow changed.

Towards the end of the season, days would pass like weeks, they were so full. The end vastly different from the beginning. Day after day would stack up with this kind of intensity. Sleep would pass in seconds. Then one morning I woke up so groggy and wiped, that I actually asked myself where had I gone. I could have sworn I traveled somewhere else during the night -- I was jet lagged and wiser somehow.

There is something about travel that bends time. I think I would do better hiking across to the South Pole, and sailing ships back home. That way my body and my mind could make the transition back and forth slowly and with each other. Sitting in the time travel tube is too bendy.

Tomorrow I will sit and bend back to America -- a whole other reality that will need addressing.

It's exhausting, this.

Catch Up

It's been three or four life times since I last wrote. Hasn't it?

The season has been big. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Nothing too worthy of note. But, long and crowded and busy and I haven't been writing. I haven't been reading either. I think I might have lost the ability to.

I have been teaching myself to quilt. Loved that. I have been drinking with boys. Love that, too. I have been watching Deadwood, which was very fun.

But now I'm tired and ready to move back into civilization. I'm ready to make my own food. I'm ready to drive a car and talk to other folks and wear heals. It's time.

I have all kinds of notes for the blogging . . . but I wonder if they will make sense once I have time to read them. Probably not.

I have plans to visit my sister. Not, in her usual exotic place. But in Apple Town. She's moved. And I'm so excited! I want nothing more than to go to the middle. I have long thought that in the middle I would end. I have been talking about Bayfield, but it's too random and touristy. I want a lovely house. An old one that creeks. And land enough for vegetables and a welding shop. I want a lover man and good books and pie.

Could I be that girl, ever?

And how would I fund it?

The future is green and rural. That much, I know.

Good night. Know that I miss you and hopefully will be writing more, now that the satellite is fixed.