Bell Jar
Whoo dang. I went into the bell jar last weekend. I could do nothing. Just lay around and stare. I couldn't even go to work on Monday. Just depressed and scared and lonely and self-loathing and horrible. It didn't really clear until Thursday. Today I woke up after 12 hours of sleep actually looking forward to what the day may hold.
Thank. Fucking. Heavens.
Depressed and lonely and scared is horrible. Luckily I'm old enough to realize these terrible places ebb and flow and there's no way through them but through them. Good I'm through it.
For now anyway.
I did notice it in my work mates this week. My Shaman actually snapped at me a bit and accused me of being a kind of woman I'm just not. Hurt my feelings. Pissed me off. But, he was obviously mired down in his own drama. My sister fell in a hole as well. Just big dread emotions everywhere.
May the stinking hot weekend burn it all away. May a weekend at the beach cleanse us all.
Here's to climbing out of the bell jar.
posted by Beth @ 12:06 PM
1 Comments
1 Comments:
Hmmmmm. Not what I expected, but then again exactly what I expected. When you 'put it out there', I guess you have to take responsibility for what comes of it and this is my time to take that responsibility. I think we all 'put it out there', to some degree, in the routine, mundane and gloriousness of our lives. But layin it out there like this shows real chutzpah.
So back to my responsibility...
I can't say that I exactly remember what or how I accused you of something that you're not. Having come from what seems a lifetime of being told what 'I really think' and 'what my intentions really were', I'm probably a bit over sensitive to the issue. None the less, I do not 'know' what kind of woman you are. Whatever I said to the contrary was simply wrong. It may have been some poor attempt at humor or just my own drama oozing out, regardless there is no excuse. So I offer simply this: I'm sorry.
And hope for the best.......
your own shaman
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