A Picture of Myself

I have a feeling that after this season, I will have a clearer picture of myself. All of my musings and wonderings have been about what I want and who I really am. Maybe that is always what my musings are about . . . but lately many things are becoming more and more clear.

1. I really don't ever want to supervise people. People cause problems and do stupid shit when they shouldn't. If you are responsible for them, you have to constantly deal with their stupid shit and make them do things correctly. I don't want a job like that.

2. I have lost all faith in project management techniques. Earned value is a wank.

3. The bigger questions of the USAP are far more interesting to think about and talk about than the small stumbling blocks that face us every day.

4. The USAP will continue with or without people I used to think were critical. It may not be as easy when folks leave, but I have a very clear sense now that the station goes forward with or without any of our help . . . whether we want to admit it or not.

5. I am not, nor can I pretend to be, a "whoo!" girl. Just can't do it. Never do I feel compelled to "whoo!" and jump around in some kind of "wacky" frenzy. "Oh my God! I'm so crazy!" I don't want to wear leopard pants. I don’t want to express my sexuality all over my coworkers on the dance floor. I don't want to drink to get wasted and messy, and I don't ever want to do shots of anything ever again.

6. And, I'm getting increasingly irritated by those who do.

7. I want to hang out with and will trust people who can handle their alcohol, no matter how much they drink.

8. What I like to do more than anything else is sit around and talk.

9. Who I like to talk to are people smarter and more experienced than me. People who are over the stupid shit and the shot-doing and who can value what I bring to the conversation. I like the grantees because they are smart and funny and academics. I LOVE the Drillers because they have lived fast and rough and are just over the little shit.

10. I would prefer a road housie, dive bar full of interesting people, drinking and smoking and telling bullshit stories over just about anything.