It's Been Too Long

It's been too long!

I have been in transit to that far away place I go, and I haven't had the time to sit and get something down here in a while.

I traveled first to Christchurch, New Zealand -- via Sydney -- and had an ok week there. I worked a bit in the Post Office, and saw some family friends, but mostly I just hung out in the hotel. I love the Heritage. Great TV, mini-bar and huge tub I can float in. But being in CHC was really lonely -- as my peeps were deploying later -- and eventually it made me sad and depressed. I was definitely questioning what the fuck I was doing with this stupid job that takes me to the bottom of the world.

I finally got to McMurdo and we have been stuck here ever since (day 16 and counting). I have a good room and a good room-mate, which makes all the difference, but the longer we are here, waiting for the weather, the farther I get away from the job I'm actually going to have to do there. I haven't thought thought-one about when we actually land until this morning. This, I am hoping, is a good sign that we will actually fly tomorrow. We are waiting on the temperatures at Pole to warm up (above -50c so the planes can fly) and the planes to be repaired (Hercs break, after all).

What has been good is how changed this season feels. I have been sitting and eating with a whole new crowd of people. People I have always wanted to know better, and I have been having a great time. Laughing. Listening to their stories. And the negotiations are better. The new folks we have with us have completely different, way more open, approaches to our work, and I think we will find it refreshing.

I'm also feeling way better about this job. Actually being here and doing it makes all the difference! I love this work. It's fun and dynamic and hard and exhausting and makes me feel important and good. I love this work.

And I love these people. Where else can you sit with 8 people for brunch and listen to 8 different life stories -- every day? Where else can you wear the same clothing, day after day, and smell bad and no one treats you any differently? Where else can you meet and know so many different kinds of folks?

This is the job I love doing. That dumb office makes me forget!

Making Sure He's Still There

There are some people whom periodically I need to know still exist. It's like reaching out in the night to your bed partner and touching them. Yep. Still there.

When I was 29 I looked up my first one true love. And he was getting married in a month.

I'm 39 now and just looked up my first one true love again. He's getting divorced.

Damn.

And two nights ago, we talked on the phone. He's changed a lot. Living in LA makes him talk like a corporation. But it was good. It was really nice to talk to him. And today, I got an email.

"I will defiantly keep writing."

Little slip of the spell check, but a wonderful phrase. Defiantly keep writing. Wouldn't that be nice?

Baby Showers are for Mothers

Yesterday I went to a baby shower. They are freaky events for the childless. I always feel so stupid. Who would know that the nose sucker ball thing and the baby advil are the most prized gifts? Who would know what a Boppy is? Oooo, the Boppy! Look at the Boppy! I LOVED my Boppy!

Mothers are like a secret society. They know secret mother things that only mothers know. And there SHOULD be a ritual gathering of the old and the new mothers, and they can all talk about labor and Boppies and sacks for sleeping and whatever else they need to know about. I'm thinking that these gatherings shouldn't include the childless. We won't be offended. We can go, instead, to the neighborhood bar, swill scotch and talk about politics. Cause we got nothing for those new mothers but quizzical looks and false squeals of "Oh, how cute!" We don't mean those squeals. They aren't coming from any place real. What we're really thinking is "Oh, thank God I don't have to do this. Oh, thank God, the next 18 years of my life won't be consumed trying to make a hunk of carbon into a grown-up. Oh, thank God."

I don't wish 'em ill. It's a fine choice. Hard thing to do. But these little new ones need only the ones who went before.

I got nothing.