The Sinking Dreams

Last night I had yet another sinking dream. I have been having them for years. Ok. One year at least. They all involve me either falling through a deep hole into another world, trying to climb a small hill and being thwarted by either soft snow or sand, or falling into rushing water. And, they all have something to do with the Antarctic Program.

Before these started, I would have dreams about traveling north, north, north to icy lands where I would be happy and feel good. I've had several of these. Traveling home to some icy place. But then about a year ago, I started having a hard time getting there and started to fall.

Last night's dream consisted of me falling through the snow. I was clutching to the rim of an ever deepening and ever widening hole. I was at South Pole. I was struggling to right myself. As I clutched the dissolving rim, I looked down to see miles of deep space beneath me. In this cavern were really tall, thin pillars made of snow and ice. Right beneath me, just a bit of a fall below, was the top of one of the pillars. I thought I could try to swing around and hope that when I did fall through I would land on the top of the ice pillar. I dropped and I missed. So I flew. Luckily in this dream I could choose to fly, and I started to fly over all the pillars and through the tunneling ice cave back, back towards the dark. Beyond the dark turned out to be the first, true Old Pole. At the real South Pole there is a buried station we call Old Pole. It was the first station built in the 1950's and is currently 60+ feet under the surface . . . and is very much off limits to us. In this dream Old Pole was a secret one, built before that. It kind of reminded me of that myth that the center of the Earth is inhabited with the alternate Earth and the entrance is at the South Pole. You heard that one?

So, I arrived at the real Old Pole and after a tour of the "smoking building," which was as big as a mall, I attempted to get a meal and sit down with folks. My ex-boss was there and another coworker. I had a hard time getting through the food line and sitting down because my pet rodent (of some indescribable species -- it kind of reminded me of that thing in the Lion King) kept running out of my hands and wouldn't stay put. I was afraid that it would be mistaken for a pest and killed. It was almost eaten by a neighboring diner. I couldn't concentrate and had a really hard time managing everything because of this pet rodent that wouldn't behave. I felt out of place, like a bad care-giver, and a lonely outsider.

Then I woke up.

I want to know what dropping into snow holes where there is a subterranean world might mean. I want to know why my ex-boss is always there. I want to know why I'm having such a hard time walking up hills -- the sand and snow just falling away under my feet. I want to know why freezing, fast rivers are carrying me away.

And I want to know why these dreams bring me such comfort . . . and why I so look forward to having another.